Source: www.cornellmedicine.com
Thinking of quitting medical school?
No, you are not the only one. There will be one point in medical school where a medical student will second guess his or her decision in becoming a doctor. To be honest, even a doctor will do the second guessing too. This usually occurs when you are tired, failed a test, humiliated by doctors (hopefully not!) or just generally burnt out from the amount of information you need to know. Although, it does seem like a good idea to walk away from the hospital, leave medical school and be a famous singer instead, you might want to doubt your own doubts. Can you really live the rest of your life not being a doctor or can you be a doctor for the rest of your life?
Listen to yourself
This is the time when you should really listen to yourself. There will be people telling you how lucky you are to be in a medical school and IT WILL BE A WASTE if you decide to quit. Especially when your medical school is one of the top universities in the world. The competition to be accepted into a medical school is FIERCE and now that you are in, why would you want to let go of this golden opportunity? There will also be people telling you, life is too short to be doing something that you hate. JUST QUIT straight away. After all, you only live once and you should enjoy every moment and spending your early twenties just by reading books does not seem intriguing enough.
Ask yourself over and over again, what do you really want in life?
Be honest with yourself. Take your own time to answer the big question while putting the external factors (expectations from family, being a student on scholarship who is given 1 million ringgit to complete the degree, peer pressure and the fact that you are already in a medical school) aside. Of course, you need to open up to opinions of others but always make yours the priority.
Reminisce the moment when you decided to be a doctor
Reread your personal statement that you had submitted for medical school entry requirements. It may or may not inspire you to stay in medical school and it might remind you why you are here. I somehow manage to convince myself that medicine is still for me, it is just that I need better reasons on why I want to be a doctor. (Apparently, after learning anatomy for one semester, surgery is a no-no for me!)
“When love-related hormones were produced, fast rhythm of heart beats, and sweats of enthusiasm conquered my body, I knew I have fallen in love. Being in the operation theatre to witness a Coronary artery bypass surgery was an electrifying moment for me. Thirsty for more exposure of a doctor’s life, I did hospital attachments every school holidays. After following doctors doing ward rounds endlessly, stayed with them during clinic hours, helped the nurses with simple procedures and went to operation theatre, I realised operation theatre gave me a stir of enjoyment. Doing hospital attachments were the lights that guided me to become a surgeon. The scenario at the operation theatre supplies me with sense of belonging. Surgeons and anaesthetists collaborating, nurses always with their helping hands. They were almost similar to unique musical instruments producing harmonious melody.”
Also, I recalled so many inspiring events when I did hospital attachments. A young lady who has gone through dialysis for nearly 8 years yet never fail to smile during the whole process. Autistic kids smiling and hugging me when the some textbooks warn they may not make eye contact and tend to flap their arms all the time. A woman who could not hold her tears of joy when the doctor said she is finally pregnant after so many years of trying. I remembered talking about these experiences during my medical school interview. I told the interviewer that I want to be part of these miracles. I want to help people fight against the odds and be part of their journey. Then, I realised it is crucial to whole-heartedly feel what you write and tell. You can lie to the interviewers, but you cannot lie to yourself. After all, it is you who has to do the degree, not them. Try to think about what made you agree to be a doctor in the first place.
Source: aspiringdoctors.tumblr.com
Figure out what is it that you do not like about medicine
Every time I want to quit in something, I always ask myself “Do you want to quit because it is difficult or because you do not like it?” If the answer is difficult, then I have a bad news for you; things that are worth having would not be easy.
If you hate medicine because of the amount of information that you need to know is too much, maybe the solution is to increase the number of study sessions but reduce their duration. For example, studying for 2 hours 3 times per day is much better than staring at the books for 6 hours straight. If you hate a particular topic or subject, you just have to be patient. Just because I hate immunology, it does not mean I want to quit medicine and forget my dream of becoming a psychiatrist.
It is okay to have mixed feelings. I want to be a doctor when I am in awe with the fact that each kidney has 1 million nephrons! But I do not want to be a doctor when my lecturer says I cannot percuss properly. There was a time when I wanted to be a doctor because I am in awe with the fact that we have 86 billion neurons in our brain! But then again, I do not want to become one when all the slides in histology lab look the same! It is ridiculous! Other times, where I want to be a doctor because I love medicine pickup lines! Yet, I do not want to be a doctor when I have to learn about Krebs cycle. The point here is, to love everything about medical school would be magical (only the chosen ones will feel this way) but what you can do is, try to find solutions or other ways to compromise. However, if you do not like blood, needles and people, then you might need a longer time to reflect on your decision.
Join a medical related program
Maybe reading too many books makes you forget how nice it feels to have interactions with people. It does not have to be a specifically medical program; any program that you can relate it back to medicine should be okay.
I was lucky to be given the chance to be a volunteer for Special Olympics Asia Pacific Games. I was assisting one of the athletes because he had high temperature and had to be hospitalised. At that moment, I was still doubtful whether or not I should proceed being a medical student. However, while spending time at the hospital with him and I subconsciously “googled” “why kids with down syndrome have low blood pressure” made me realize how I have become a typical med student and maybe that is a sign I should stay as one.
Have a lunch session at the hospital on your own
I wish I was kidding with this point, but I am not. What is a better place to reflect about your decision if it is not the hospital? (or clinics). You are going to spend the rest of your life here. Have lunch there on your own and ask yourself all the big questions. Bring a journal or paper and pen for you to write if you need.
Source: www.freepik.com
Listen to yourself again
It is very important to listen to yourself. Even if you have gone through all the five things that I have suggested and you discover that you do not want to be a doctor but however deep deep down you still want to be a doctor, then listen to your heart.
No matter how insignificant your reasons to be a doctor can be, (or why you did not want to be a doctor) they are still your reasons. Own it.
Honestly, I wish I can tell everyone that I have this one big solid reason on why I want to be a doctor. I do not have it. My reasons for being a doctor are a small collection of bricks. They seem insignificant, but good enough to build a home around me for me to escape when life really knocks me down. Also, I am going to live in my body for the rest of my life. I do not want to be reminded everyday with the knowledge that I have learned and feel regret for quitting. I will remember about pH while breathing, joints that are being used when I move my wrist, a trigger zone in my brain when I feel I am about to vomit, neural crest when I see a sign saying crest at the junction near my house, bowel movements when I am eating, amygdala, which is a part of the limbic system in the brain that is used when I am being emotional, adrenaline rush when I am in love and when I feel excited, enthusiastic about something and the list goes on. Medicine has become part of my life that it seems impossible to let it go. Nevertheless, if medicine is sucking out the colours of your life, maybe it is time to let go.
Good luck in making your decision.
“The sign of a good decision is the multiplicity of reasons for it.” – Mary Doria Russell, Children of God
This article is written by Arlina Arshad, a first year medical student at the University of Newcastle, Australia. Know more about her under the Young Columnists tab.
24 comments for “Thinking of Quitting Medical School? – Arlina Arshad”