What If…? – D’Dyanna Lajamin

College-grad-cap-gown-ponderingWhat if…the decision that you have made years ago, is not actually the one you have always wanted? A decision that will make your friends and family proud of you. Decision that you thought will make people look up to you. They said only chosen people will be in this field. They said few can survived this field. People keep talking but you choose this field anyway.

What if…tomorrow did not go along with your plans? You failed your tests. You are mocked by other colleagues in the same field. Professors kept giving you a hard time. You thought you knew it all but there is always someone who came by and crushed your plans. You thought you cannot make it to the next year. You thought you are a failure in this field as you step into a new semester.

Well, that is what you thought. Look at you; you have grown matured, kicking and alive.

What if… your instincts told you that you are not meant to be here? You keep telling yourself to quit before it getting worse, before you waste another year. You have tried to convince yourself to let go of the passion that you have once thought it is really yours. You have tried to convince your parents that you have another thing in mind.

Until now, does any of that work? You are still here, coping up with your coming semester and waiting for that final year.

What if… friends that you thought will be going to be your soul mate are not really one? They are friends that came by when they have something to get from you and leave you after they have everything they need from you. You felt depressed…but no one is there to catch you. You tried to reach out but no one seems to understand. They said everyone had problems and yours are just some small matters. You cried alone in your room. You cannot concentrate in your studies. Those “small matters” are eating you from the inside.

But hey, look at you now; you have survived those depressing moments. You put those aside and decided to finish your semester. You are brave!

What if… there is no promise of getting a job after you have graduated? They said there are a lot of doctors nowadays. They said it is hard to find a placement. You doubt your ability of being a good doctor after leaving medical school. You doubt about everything in your life.

Here’s the thing I have always been telling myself: If I can went through all the pains and difficulties physically and mentally for 5 years, why not now? All these “what if” are dragging me down. It makes me anxious. It makes me lose my confident towards myself. If I can breakthrough all the “what if” that I kept telling myself for 5 years, I am pretty sure I can trample this one too. I am brave. I can do this. I will do this. Today is the tomorrow that I’m worried about yesterday. What are my excuses now?

D’Dyanna Lajamin is a 4th year Sabahan medical student currently studying in Kursk State Medical University, Russia. Know more about her under the Young Columnist tab.

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